WASHINGTON—Confirming the government had paid a small group of protestors to wave professionally-printed signs outside Trump Tower, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer hailed their efforts as remarkable and patriotic. “What else is the Administration supposed to do? Come up with sane policies that benefit large swaths of the country and execute them in a way that makes regular unpaid Americans support us?” scoffed Spicer, admonishing reporters to come up with a more believable scenario than members of the electorate gathering to express their opinion on a piece of legislation without any financial compensation whatsoever. “We’re not wizards over here. The President can’t simply sign an executive order that does some measure of good for American citizens. That’s not how these things work.” At press time, Spicer was spotted hurriedly exiting the White House Briefing Room and jumping in his car to pick up a fresh batch of pro-Trump signs from Kinko’s.